i don't want to be lonely anymore

buh, i'm so fucking lonely. i'm so tired of looking at all of my
friends and helping them with their relationships, listening to them,
being sympathetic and caring when i'd give anything to have what they
have. i can't help but feel like i'm doing something wrong. i know i'm
insane but i really think that this thing with him would work out. i
catch myself grinning like an idiot even if i catch a glimpse of him...
excuse me while i go cliche, but it feels like i need him. it would
suck so bad for him to not be in my life anymore... i can't explain it.
i want him so bad... i need to be around him as much as possible... its
driving me insane that i've gotten so attached, i told myself i
wouldn't this time. everyone expects me to be mad at him, but i'm not.
i can't. there are people who think he wouldn't be right for me,
because he's too laconic, laid back, but i know better. we get along so
well, even when he's totally lax about something it kind of balances
out my hyperness so it works. i don't know 100% whats going on with him
right now, i don't know if he's back with his ex or someone new, but
he's been so happy the past few times i've seen him... i don't want to
take that away from him.

gah.
sorry if you read that. >.< i'll stop now.