lets play a game

this game is called "your life is awesomer than mine"
ready? go!
...
guess what?

you win. game over.
hoorayyy.....
***

ugh, sinuses. they are seriously killing me slowly. >.<

it hurts.

i'm trying really hard not to be annoying. really. i hate feeling like this, like this is all i talk about, think about, and that people are really getting annoyed. i can't explain it. i'm soooo out of my head here.
its to the point where it actually physically hurts. like i've been shoved in the chest. >.<

my kind of rain/falling in like at the worst times

*sigh*
why don't people fall in like at the same time? it would make things so much easier, really....it would save a lot of trouble and second-guessing. :/

i'm listening to that music again... you know, the kind that makes me think stupid things and feel things that probably aren't real. ::and all i wanna do is love you....today, you walked out of my life, and today, your words felt like a knife....::
and its alright
yeah i'll be fine
don't worry about this heart of mine
just take your love and hit the road
there's nothing you can do or say
you're gonna break my heart anyway
just leave the pieces when you go...

...let's hope he has a glue gun. <3 cuz i really don't want to give up on this one.

i have no title for this one.

sorry, i'm going to continue this... i just have a lot of thoughts in my head

this whole dating thing... it really doesn't seem like its real. i was trying to imagine what it would be like...its so surreal, like it doesn't really happen. despite all of this, i want his arms around me, i want to call him mine. i know it probably wouldn't be peachy-keen all the time, and honestly, i don't want it to be. i know it probably won't last, and again, i don't want it to. i want us to break up, and maybe we won't get back together, but oh well. what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, yeah? i am fully aware that he may not be "the One". I'm not that kind of girl. but this whole thing of rejection and turmoil is making me feel so unworthy of even being a girl... like i'm wasting opportunities, wasting youth, and i hate that feeling.
blah. i need to paint.
i want to tell him.

i don't want to be lonely anymore

buh, i'm so fucking lonely. i'm so tired of looking at all of my
friends and helping them with their relationships, listening to them,
being sympathetic and caring when i'd give anything to have what they
have. i can't help but feel like i'm doing something wrong. i know i'm
insane but i really think that this thing with him would work out. i
catch myself grinning like an idiot even if i catch a glimpse of him...
excuse me while i go cliche, but it feels like i need him. it would
suck so bad for him to not be in my life anymore... i can't explain it.
i want him so bad... i need to be around him as much as possible... its
driving me insane that i've gotten so attached, i told myself i
wouldn't this time. everyone expects me to be mad at him, but i'm not.
i can't. there are people who think he wouldn't be right for me,
because he's too laconic, laid back, but i know better. we get along so
well, even when he's totally lax about something it kind of balances
out my hyperness so it works. i don't know 100% whats going on with him
right now, i don't know if he's back with his ex or someone new, but
he's been so happy the past few times i've seen him... i don't want to
take that away from him.

gah.
sorry if you read that. >.< i'll stop now.

no.
no.
no.
what the hell.
i feel sick.
i feel numb.
i'm on the verge of tears.

damn it. damn him. damn her. damn myself for getting my hopes up.

i was born to tell you i love you

i can't not think it anymore. i really can't. there is no denying what is going through my head right now....
you're one of the first things i think about when i wake up, and one of the last things before i go to sleep. i have a hard time not looking for you everywhere. i love your smile, your laugh, the look on your face when you start plotting something, the sincerity with which you say everything.
i've fallen hard for you, theres no doubt about that. the question is, am i going to hit the ground just as hard if you don't feel the same?
what will my next move be? i'm not sure. maybe i'll be brave and just take your hand. maybe i'll be sneaky about it.
but i won't say it. i won't say what i'm thinking. not yet. because i'm so afraid of being wrong...i don't want to lose you.
if you're even mine to lose.
you've made it clear we're close though... that in itself is amazing to me. <3