who the fuck died & made you queen of everything

what the fuck is your problem?
who said it was okay for you to tell people my business?

what are we, five?

attached

just the little things you said and did...
you've gotten attached too, haven't you?

wow

can't believe
holy cow
its just
um
yeah
uh
idk what to say except wow
and
dammit
it needs to be friday
and awww :3
and DAMMIT why isn't it friday
he was right
(it annoys me a little that he's right so much lol)
but whatev, like it matters lol
who'd'a thunk it would've been me
out of our group
i thought i was gonna end up like that movie
XD
guess not
wow

just a song i'm obsessed with right now

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - do I talk too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

i'm cold and alone

i don't like this feeling.

not feeling well... went home from work way early >.< slept for what felt like ages.

my thoughts are really disjointed right now. nothing makes sense

saturday morning came too soon

i really really just want to cuddle and watch movies right now

actually, forget the movies. i want sleep. but i'm all by myself :(

why the fuck am i so attached? i need to stop. stop stop stop. ugh. cuz i can't be this attached. i promised myself i wouldn't be. ugh ugh ugh.

but i want to be attached. which makes no sense. >.<

i don't understand

so don't ask me why

i'm cold :(

there's a big empty space next to me

i don't like this feeling.

basic

it dawned on me today that amid all the desires and idiosyncratic things that people my age seem to latch on to, i have very basic needs. while most people my age are out to get where they're going as quickly as possible, so ambitious, so impatient with the world, i'm perfectly content with just going with whatever life hands me. the one thing i realized that i want, however, seems so important that i can't believe that i didn't realize it before -- my own place. while its not all that practical right now, financially or otherwise, i would love to have my own place. doesn't have to be a big house, or even a big apartment, since i don't have that much stuff. i just want a place where i can just be, somewhere where i don't have to try to explain all my little idiosyncrasies, quirks, and habits. somewhere i can hang up what i like, without worrying if i'm going to have to move it if it's in the wrong place. i want to be able to come home without worrying about getting questioned regarding my whereabouts. i could continue, but you get the idea.
i want a space to be myself, to be able to play my guitar at 3 in the morning if i feel like it and not worry about waking anyone up.
basic need, yes, but it feels like the most complex thing ever right now.

i feel like i should say thank you

you make me feel beautiful
you let me be myself
you're not pushing me into things i don't want
you let me know its ok to try things

you make it hard for me to come back here...but i hate the stress of trying to sneak around. i hate sleeping alone now, even though i don't sleep when i'm with you (for several reasons... also because i just can't fall asleep, even when you are).
you asked if i was falling for you, and it scared me to put myself out there like that, especially when you won't answer the same question. i'm afraid that you'll say no, but maybe then it will make it all a little easier. i wish i didn't have to worry that i'm just an option, or that i'm just one of several.

one thing i know... i'm trying very hard to not be dependent on you. if this is as far as it goes... i can't be.