so i'm totally LOLing

so i'm totally LOLing at my horoscope for today. and we're both Taurus, so its even funnier.
here's the quickie:

Push yourself forward romantically by any means necessary -- you've got the right kind of good energy to really make a difference! It's a good time for you to step up to someone new.

and the extended:

For the past couple of weeks, you've been thinking that you might have a secret admirer, and you're absolutely right. Your mystery suitor will let those feelings slip today, in a very minor way -- so minor, in fact, that if you weren't as sharp as you are, and if you didn't pay attention as well as you do, you might not notice it. As it is, you'll need to decide whether to ignore the slip, or have some fun -- which, of course, depends on your relationship situation.

ROFL

oh. my. god.

so
that
is quite possibly
the most unexpected
and
hottest
thing
ever.

holy
fucking
shit.

am i a different person?

lately i've been feeling like i'm not the same as i used to be. i know its true to a point, but there are times when i feel like i've grown away from people...i still want my friends, but i'm not as close to them as i used to be. we've grown up, moved on, and honestly it kind of makes me sad. i know i'm just being random, but it really surprises me that the things that i've always been into- 80's rock, classic cars, etc,- my friends didn't know about until now.
i want to make up with friends who i haven't talked to in a long time. there are only a few exceptions to this, but they aren't in contact with me in any way anymore. in a weird way i want to go back to high school, just to see if anything would be different now that i feel different.
self confidence is a hard thing to build when you're constantly trying to figure out everything else. but i think i've finally succeeded... i feel like i know a little bit about myself. i still have no idea what i want to do, but i know what i don't want to do. that helps some. i'm learning from mistakes, despite their initial impact on me. i'm trying to grow as a person.

i'm still the same person i was before. i still value my friends and family over anything else. i'll still sit up with a friend until four in the morning, just listening, when they need someone to listen to them. its just how i am, i put their needs before my own, and i'll do that with anyone who needs it. it makes me sad to know that people don't want to open up to me. i don't ask unless they give the ok, and i most definitely don't tell. anyone who knows me should know that.
i'm also trying not to be the person i have been. i'm trying not to be the one that freaks out at minor details, to hold grudges, to "fall in love" repeatedly. i'm over that. sure i talk a lot, but most of it is just being lonely in general, when there's no one there for me to talk to.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, i'm still initially the same person, if you just briefly talk to me, but in reality, i've changed. i hope for the better. i'm trying to branch out and be myself and not who everyone wants me to be. bear with me, its kinda tough lol.

*tell my mother, tell my father, i've done the best i can
to make them realize this is my life, i hope they understand
i'm not angry i'm just saying
sometimes goodbye is a second chance.*

text me. any time. if you need to, want to, or are just bored. i always text back.

and i'll be your crying shoulder, i'll be love's suicide...

and i'll be better when i'm older
i'll be the greatest fan of your life

i'm sick of writing the same things over and over again. i really am. but ughhhh. i want to tell you so badly....i'm afraid of what you'll say. i want it to be painfully obvious, but i know its not. i'm afraid i've messed it up already.

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

*if you have to try to convince yourself you don't care about someone, you care about them more than you think*

"a guy & a girl can be friends, but at one point or another they'll fall for each other, maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever."

sigh. if you get it, text me.

if today was your last day

so tonight will be interesting....
i can't help but hope that he was lying about forgetting...that just strengthens my need to tell him.

there he goes again

so i'm officially insane. hooray
it just really sucks, in a really fantastically odd way. i mean... i never wanted to be in this position. but i've been told things and advised to do things and when i think about it...
dammit, they were right.

blarargh.
hm.

Name - Goo Goo Dolls

so this chapter is coming to an end. i feel like so much has happened, and yet sooo little. This is so much different than graduating high school. i really feel like this is a change. i won't be at home, and even though i'll still be with family, it will be so different... it's really making me nervous. so it seems fitting that at the end of the summer, this blog will be closed (maybe not permanently, but who knows) and a new one will capture my adventures in a different county, a different school, different everything. i can't help but think about what i'll miss... but then again i'll be experiencing so many other things... mixed feelings.
i will definitely miss my friends. my friends here are so amazing, nothing can take their place. No matter how many (or few) friends i make there, my friends here will always be the best people ever. hands down. i'm really not good at making friends... i made next to no new friends in the year at WSU. a few, yes, but not very close friends. i love my work friends, they've become so close to me that i don't even consider them my "work" friends, they're just my friends. make sense? probably not.
i'm worried about what my family is going to do when i leave. i really hope mom doesn't cry. i hope jenn doesn't cry. i know dad won't cry. he'll make jokes. but that might be worse. but i'll be back as often as i can, and it's not like i'm moving to somewhere - permanently - that they don't visit on a regular basis. plus if i really need to, my grandparents are less than half an hour away, my mom's family an hour away.
i guess i'm just nervous, as i should be. i'll be okay though. as long as no one starts crying.

<3