Feed the Soul

So I've been thinking about the diner I'd like to open a lot lately, and it occurred to me that I should probably write some of it down. I'll start here mostly just because I don't feel like getting up to get my notebook to write it all down, although I'll do it eventually.

So basically the main idea behind this diner is feeding the soul, and it would probably end up being a diner/art studio/gallery (and bakery if Sarajo decides to get in on it too.) Artwork on the walls, random and bright colored dishes, crazy themes for the tables & booths, and just a real homey kind of feel to the place. A couple months ago I found these super adorable piggy banks at Target, there were some that had polka dots, some plaid ones, etc etc, and it got me thinking. What if I took the piggy banks and cut a larger hole in the top to make napkin holders? And ooh, there's some neat lamps over there, each booth or table could have a theme and a corresponding lamp & napkin holder! BRILLIANT! Basically this diner would be a never-ending trip through my ADHD "MUST HAVE ALL THE COOL PRETTY COLORFUL THINGS" brain, and hopefully would achieve a fun atmosphere.

I think I'd like to name it Food for the Soul. or something like that.

Silly Love Songs

I've started singing them again. But I'm still as confused as ever. Distance is an ever-present issue, and it seems it only gets worse. Just when I think I've got it figured out, BAM, something else presents itself. And then I end up like this, 3 am, typing away while Lifehouse, Buble, and Mraz play on Pandora.

So Boyfriend admitted that he forgot about Valentine's Day. Is it sad that I'm disappointed? It's my first Valentine's Day when I'm not single, I was hoping for something special... I think he forgets my level of inexperience. We'll play it by ear, I suppose.

Buh... I want someone to talk to. No one is answering my texts.

Looks like a short blog again. :/

I don't wanna miss a single thing you do

I get attached easily. Sometimes it's not such a good thing.
I like getting to know people, but I don't actively think up ways to get to know them. I don't usually ask many questions, but I seem to prefer to answer questions about myself. Odd.
I don't think this will be a very long blog today. I'm more distractable than usual.
There are several things I should be doing. Like accounting homework. Or laundry. Or SOMETHING productive. Instead I'm laying here thinking too much about too many things.

Sigh.

Now I Gotta Cut Loose

Auditioning is scary.
I'm not sure which is worse, having to perform in front of a huge crowd of people or just a few people, but both ideas scare me silly. Which is odd since I've been auditioning so much for the school productions recently. Initial jitters often go away fairly quickly once I see that everyone else is just as nervous...that is, until the singing auditions come along. Then I convert into a shaky shame-filled mess & feel embarrassed and hate myself for wanting to do the damn play in the first place.

Over all I think the auditions went pretty well :) The cast list should be posted tomorrow.

Slow day today. Woke up a little late, missed the first 15 minutes of class, but still was able to finish the lab and leave by 8:45, probably way before the rest of the class. Currently holding down the couch at my grandparent's, trying to make it look like I'm being responsible and looking up accounting & bookkeeping careers. Which, to be fair, I am, but not as in-depth as I probably should. But it's not even 11 am yet, I don't want to exert myself so much this early in the morning ;)

Work tonight. Had a dream where my managers finally came to their senses and basically said "You know, fuck it, you're the department head now, you're the one that knows how to do everything anyway". It was a good dream.

I'm starting to feel ambitious. Like I should be doing something productive. I almost wish I still had accounting homework.

What a pointless waste of space

Hello, 2011. so far you've been pretty shitty.

You could also say the same about this waste of space blog that i've been keeping.

As much as i'd love to just scrap it, i think i'll keep it around, try to change direction. Some of the posts aren't bad. most of them are overly whiny though, i might hide those or something.

I'm still uncertain on my writing style. Inner monologue seems to be my go-to method, however, with the exceptions of my random flashes of inspiration and contemplation. And i'll try to keep the "omg i miss him :,( " to a minimum. Goodness knows the world could use less of that.

Auditions soon. More later.

should i say it, should i tell you how i feel

so there's something i want to say
but i'm not going to let myself. not yet. but i want to. and its entirely too frustrating.
its not something that can be texted, and i don't trust myself with the phone. its so cliche that i'd hate to say it at an inappropriate time. i almost slipped up today. several times.

i'm waiting to hear it first. but i'm afraid i'll be waiting a very long time.

i wouldn't recommend reading this

Sometimes the most disjointed thoughts make the most sense in my head. Like right now, I'm jumping from thought to thought, trying to wrangle them into some sort of coherent thought process, into something readable with some sort of tangible flow, but all I keep coming back to is jagged imagery and brief --very brief-- explosions of inspiration.
Of course I'm thinking about him. What an utterly ridiculous question. I could lie and say that it's not so bad, this once a week visit thing, but that's just what it would be: a lie. For now I'm just concerned that I've turned into one of those girls... the kind who make their boyfriends their entire world, neglecting all other stimuli and focusing solely on the person who they think they "liek omg tottaly LUV" after just two weeks. It's been three & a half months (so sue me, of course I keep track), and I'm finally feeling totally comfortable with everything. Sounds weird to say it like that, but before, I was still trying to figure out how I was supposed to be a girlfriend. I wasn't uncomfortable per se, but I was sure awkward as hell. But back to my thought. I could apologize to the grand total of three people who actually read this for my total insanity and borderline pathetic emo-ness, but I figure if you don't want to hear about it, you wouldn't be reading right now ;) . So sue me, tell me to move it to Xanga or keep it in my journal, but this is essentially my journal. As much as I love writing and notebooks and just the feel of ink across a fresh page, my hands just can't keep up as easily with my mind when wielding a pen. Typing goes so much quicker, and by posting it online there is less of a chance of me losing it for one reason or another.
How's that for a total divergence from the original topic?
Back to my incoherent brain. So wonderfully disconnected. Clumsy revelations, flashes of emotions. Maybe I'm posting this to prove that for once, I was right about something. Everyone is always so skeptical about him, I guess I'm trying to prove that their fears are unfounded. It's in the little things, really. His increasingly more prominent protectiveness; The random public embraces (almost putting me in a headlock at times... let's face it, he's tall!); The way he'll stop in the doorway and just watch me for a few moments when he thinks I'm asleep.

I'll spare you the rest. <3