Feelings and such

So it's finally starting to hit me. I've only got about a week & a half until I move back home. I won't be seeing these places again for probably a good amount of time. I won't get to bitch with Jeanette during work, or talk to Rita after I'm off the clock. No more spontaneous Pizza Hut/Walmart trips with Cara. No more clay classes with Marsha and Ande (gonna miss them probably more than I realize...) And what I'm going to notice the most, no more coming & going as I please. Back to getting permission and justifying my need to leave the house. Regretfully I am preparing to return to that, heartened only by the thought that I'll be able to see my old friends whenever we're free, and not just on Friday nights.
I'll also miss the weekly/biweekly trip to grandma's. I really enjoyed those :(

As much as I want to get back home, part of me isn't wanting to leave. Part of me doesn't want to leave the few friends I've made here, on the fear that I'll never see them again.

ETA: this blog originally posted at 11:11 AM. Make a wish...

Counting Down

One week until I'm 21.
Two weeks to graduation.
Three weeks until I move.
Four weeks before I start back at my old store.
Five weeks until the official "ONE YEAR" with Brandon.
Six weeks until vacation.

...not that I'm looking forward to any of it, or anything....

oh, and:

i think i may die :3

Three hours and a slight headache later...

I now have an Etsy shop! I always thought about creating one for my shoes, and now I've finally done it. Hooray!
It was way more stressful than I thought it'd be though, considering everything is custom made to order and pricing really depends on what is done. Hopefully I've got them set at prices that won't scare people away.

I can't focus right now. Maybe more later.

oh, and also: http://www.etsy.com/shop/weregoat

But Where Is Home?

Feeling increasingly homesick. Every day here I can't help but feel more & more like a nuisance. I feel confined, almost, to "my" room whenever they are upstairs, especially in the kitchen. Awkward is my specialty, and I really can't wait until I'm back in my own house where I can do whatever and not worry about overstepping some unseen boundary. God forbid I eat in front of them, unless it's something I've bought/made myself. Most of the time I just try to disappear, and I think its starting to take a serious toll on my mind.
However, I start to cringe when I think about moving back home. After so much freedom here, I don't know how it will be back under my parents' rules. Thankfully, anxieties are starting to fade, and mostly I'll just be relieved to be back in my own room, my own bed, where I can do what I want when I want and not worry if I'm keeping someone up because they decided to sleep at weird hours.
I'll definitely miss being this close to my grandparents though, that makes me incredibly sad all around.

Such a DizzyHead

Oh painkillers, how wonderful you are. If only I could keep up this facade of needing you so I would continue to have an excuse to sleep all day and miss work and school.

Unfortunately, I just checked the time and must, now, go to class.

*sigh*

Feed the Soul

So I've been thinking about the diner I'd like to open a lot lately, and it occurred to me that I should probably write some of it down. I'll start here mostly just because I don't feel like getting up to get my notebook to write it all down, although I'll do it eventually.

So basically the main idea behind this diner is feeding the soul, and it would probably end up being a diner/art studio/gallery (and bakery if Sarajo decides to get in on it too.) Artwork on the walls, random and bright colored dishes, crazy themes for the tables & booths, and just a real homey kind of feel to the place. A couple months ago I found these super adorable piggy banks at Target, there were some that had polka dots, some plaid ones, etc etc, and it got me thinking. What if I took the piggy banks and cut a larger hole in the top to make napkin holders? And ooh, there's some neat lamps over there, each booth or table could have a theme and a corresponding lamp & napkin holder! BRILLIANT! Basically this diner would be a never-ending trip through my ADHD "MUST HAVE ALL THE COOL PRETTY COLORFUL THINGS" brain, and hopefully would achieve a fun atmosphere.

I think I'd like to name it Food for the Soul. or something like that.

Silly Love Songs

I've started singing them again. But I'm still as confused as ever. Distance is an ever-present issue, and it seems it only gets worse. Just when I think I've got it figured out, BAM, something else presents itself. And then I end up like this, 3 am, typing away while Lifehouse, Buble, and Mraz play on Pandora.

So Boyfriend admitted that he forgot about Valentine's Day. Is it sad that I'm disappointed? It's my first Valentine's Day when I'm not single, I was hoping for something special... I think he forgets my level of inexperience. We'll play it by ear, I suppose.

Buh... I want someone to talk to. No one is answering my texts.

Looks like a short blog again. :/

I don't wanna miss a single thing you do

I get attached easily. Sometimes it's not such a good thing.
I like getting to know people, but I don't actively think up ways to get to know them. I don't usually ask many questions, but I seem to prefer to answer questions about myself. Odd.
I don't think this will be a very long blog today. I'm more distractable than usual.
There are several things I should be doing. Like accounting homework. Or laundry. Or SOMETHING productive. Instead I'm laying here thinking too much about too many things.

Sigh.

Now I Gotta Cut Loose

Auditioning is scary.
I'm not sure which is worse, having to perform in front of a huge crowd of people or just a few people, but both ideas scare me silly. Which is odd since I've been auditioning so much for the school productions recently. Initial jitters often go away fairly quickly once I see that everyone else is just as nervous...that is, until the singing auditions come along. Then I convert into a shaky shame-filled mess & feel embarrassed and hate myself for wanting to do the damn play in the first place.

Over all I think the auditions went pretty well :) The cast list should be posted tomorrow.

Slow day today. Woke up a little late, missed the first 15 minutes of class, but still was able to finish the lab and leave by 8:45, probably way before the rest of the class. Currently holding down the couch at my grandparent's, trying to make it look like I'm being responsible and looking up accounting & bookkeeping careers. Which, to be fair, I am, but not as in-depth as I probably should. But it's not even 11 am yet, I don't want to exert myself so much this early in the morning ;)

Work tonight. Had a dream where my managers finally came to their senses and basically said "You know, fuck it, you're the department head now, you're the one that knows how to do everything anyway". It was a good dream.

I'm starting to feel ambitious. Like I should be doing something productive. I almost wish I still had accounting homework.

What a pointless waste of space

Hello, 2011. so far you've been pretty shitty.

You could also say the same about this waste of space blog that i've been keeping.

As much as i'd love to just scrap it, i think i'll keep it around, try to change direction. Some of the posts aren't bad. most of them are overly whiny though, i might hide those or something.

I'm still uncertain on my writing style. Inner monologue seems to be my go-to method, however, with the exceptions of my random flashes of inspiration and contemplation. And i'll try to keep the "omg i miss him :,( " to a minimum. Goodness knows the world could use less of that.

Auditions soon. More later.