"she & i have gotten very close."

no.

please...no.

please.

why can't it be my turn to be happy?

i've thought this so many times... but now its even worse. and it hurts almost more than i can stand.

i can't even explain why its such a big deal...

3:47 am (316): Back in pratt, if you care.

5:17 am (1-316): I do.


*sigh*

excuses, excuses...

i'm getting this feeling again. sorry for making you read about it... again.

maybe what i want is too much to ask for. maybe i just need to stfu and be grateful for what i have. maybe i'm just a selfish greedy little brat who never has enough.

maybe...

maybe i just need to shut the fuck up anyway.

stop telling me i deserve what i want and just give it to me, dammit.

i'll admit it, i've fallen way harder than i thought i was going to. than i was going to let myself. and sadly... i'm ok with it. but i'm tired of waiting. i'm tired of wondering if i'm just being an idiot and that i'm just convenient or if i'm really just a nuisance.

sigh.

i hate how my brain cycles through this.
being a girl really sucks sometimes.

...

The more patient you are, the happier you will be when you finally get your turn. That's why there's really no need to be in such a hurry to prove yourself. The stars urge you to win your victories one at a time and maintain full awareness of your actions. As the day wears on, the increasing influence of certain astral aspects lead you to the politics of charm. A romantic issue is beautifully resolved tonight without much effort at all.

i never liked the rain til i walked through it with you

i am falling for you, i'm falling for you now, just like the rain...

they sang this song last night, and it made me realize just how much i had fallen for you. especially when i saw you talking with her... the jealousy and sadness i felt was almost unbearable. then you came over to talk to me... i thought i'd crumble when i heard what you said.
i'm so glad i got up the courage to ask to crash at your place anyway... so glad the door was unlocked.

how fitting it is right now that its raining.

there are so many things that i love about this... if only i could have it completely the way i want it.

that would make it very complicated though :/

um, pardon me, but wtf?

You're not usually the sappy type. Well, you'll need to get past that now, especially if you're already with someone you consider delectable. Because the heavens have seen fit to arrange a veritable buffet of romantic interludes, and you'll certainly be able to partake of at least one. In fact, you'd better confine yourself to just one. Jealousy isn't pretty -- especially yours.

rehab is for quitters

"oh sweetie. give up on him. please."

*sigh* i want to know why. why does everyone seem to tell me this? is there something i'm not seeing?

if only it were that simple...

wtf?! fire ze missiles!!

this friday it will be one month.
not exactly a great anniversary to remember...hoping that's as far as it will get.

i wish i wasn't so far away. and i wish we didn't have to be so distant, even when we're sitting next to each other.

makes me almost miss the way it was when i couldn't stand him.

almost.

i finally see his side... it sucks, it really does... and it makes me feel like an idiot for all the shit i've posted.

sigh.