am i a different person?

lately i've been feeling like i'm not the same as i used to be. i know its true to a point, but there are times when i feel like i've grown away from people...i still want my friends, but i'm not as close to them as i used to be. we've grown up, moved on, and honestly it kind of makes me sad. i know i'm just being random, but it really surprises me that the things that i've always been into- 80's rock, classic cars, etc,- my friends didn't know about until now.
i want to make up with friends who i haven't talked to in a long time. there are only a few exceptions to this, but they aren't in contact with me in any way anymore. in a weird way i want to go back to high school, just to see if anything would be different now that i feel different.
self confidence is a hard thing to build when you're constantly trying to figure out everything else. but i think i've finally succeeded... i feel like i know a little bit about myself. i still have no idea what i want to do, but i know what i don't want to do. that helps some. i'm learning from mistakes, despite their initial impact on me. i'm trying to grow as a person.

i'm still the same person i was before. i still value my friends and family over anything else. i'll still sit up with a friend until four in the morning, just listening, when they need someone to listen to them. its just how i am, i put their needs before my own, and i'll do that with anyone who needs it. it makes me sad to know that people don't want to open up to me. i don't ask unless they give the ok, and i most definitely don't tell. anyone who knows me should know that.
i'm also trying not to be the person i have been. i'm trying not to be the one that freaks out at minor details, to hold grudges, to "fall in love" repeatedly. i'm over that. sure i talk a lot, but most of it is just being lonely in general, when there's no one there for me to talk to.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, i'm still initially the same person, if you just briefly talk to me, but in reality, i've changed. i hope for the better. i'm trying to branch out and be myself and not who everyone wants me to be. bear with me, its kinda tough lol.

*tell my mother, tell my father, i've done the best i can
to make them realize this is my life, i hope they understand
i'm not angry i'm just saying
sometimes goodbye is a second chance.*

text me. any time. if you need to, want to, or are just bored. i always text back.

and i'll be your crying shoulder, i'll be love's suicide...

and i'll be better when i'm older
i'll be the greatest fan of your life

i'm sick of writing the same things over and over again. i really am. but ughhhh. i want to tell you so badly....i'm afraid of what you'll say. i want it to be painfully obvious, but i know its not. i'm afraid i've messed it up already.

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

*if you have to try to convince yourself you don't care about someone, you care about them more than you think*

"a guy & a girl can be friends, but at one point or another they'll fall for each other, maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever."

sigh. if you get it, text me.

if today was your last day

so tonight will be interesting....
i can't help but hope that he was lying about forgetting...that just strengthens my need to tell him.