A Mad Girl's Love Song - Sylvia Plath

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I mad you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

"They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but right now, nearly everyone is beholding you in the right way. You take care of yourself like you're an extremely valuable object of art, and for good reason. People respond to this well-deserved self-confidence by finding reasons to hang around you. While they're digging your beauty, check out some art together."
HAHAHAAAAAAAA <3
***
"Your ego gets a well deserved boost from a confidence-building success or bit of praise, and it's definitely coming at the right time, too -- you can take on any delays or complexities without breaking much of a sweat. When you face all these challenges without mussing your do, some of your people are sure to ask how you do it. Tell them your secret! Meditation exercises and a willingness to look toward the future help you cope with any obstacles."
lol. so... i'm awesome? sweet.

* * *

"do you love him?"
god, that question... that question has fucked me over before. i'm a little afraid to even think about it. i lost my best friend because of that question.
His name was Ronnie, but everyone called him Jacob (middle name). Through a majority of elementary school, we were best friends. (or i thought so anyway. we were pretty good friends). Sat next to each other in class, hung out on the playground, played soccer at the rec center... awesome. helped that he was friggin' adorable (and still is, honestly...lol). then one day, one of the other girls questioned our friendship. asked if i LIKED him. oh god, that did it. i started thinking about it too much, and realized that yeah, i was majorly crushing on my best friend.
It was never the same after that. (probably didn't help that i told him how i felt...)
He stopped talking to me that summer (between 5th & 6th grade). and he didn't really start speaking to me again until probably sophomore or junior year of high school.

I miss him.

I guess that's why i don't know the answer to that question now. I'm too afraid of what might happen if i admit it.

Sweet Caroline (da da da...)

good times never seemed so good
i've been inclined to believe they never would...

i spend a lot of this blog saying things like "once again" and "as always". i've become far too redundant for my liking... but i'm not sure what to say to fix it.

***
i have so many dreams... i'd love to be a singer. an actress. an artist. a chef. a designer. a writer.
all these dreams, i've noticed, both utilize and create inspiration. i seem to be lacking in that department recently, i've gotten so bogged down in what everyone else expects of me.

hmm... to be continued.

you're just the girl all the boys wanna dance with

"you said you'd keep me honest
but i won't call you on it"

i often find myself here. Ten-til-two in the morning, listening to Fall Out Boy, eating cheetos (i know, terrible) and feeling incredibly poetic/romantic/artistic and yet having nothing meaningful or even remotely interesting to create.

*sigh*

i've sat with this page open for far too long, hoping inspiration will strike.

what a waste...