from the moment you came into my life

how do people know? how do we know if its "love" or just some passing fancy? ok, fine, they're on your mind all the time, but that's true for a lot of things. there are people who are constantly thinking about work or school or even food. do we get to decide who we fall in love with? is it just chance that you're in the same place, or do you have to go out and look for that one person and hope they're in the same place as you? what if you never find the person you're destined to be with, or you think you do and then realize later that it was supposed to be someone else? what then? were you destined to be with the first person, or the second? can we talk ourselves out of love? can we talk ourselves into love? what is it, exactly? how do we distinguish love from friendship or from anything, really? how do we know if its just an intellectual connection, a physical connection, or emotional? and why is it that one person can feel so strongly for another person but not have those feelings returned? is the first person feeling and believing lies, or is the second person merely oblivious to it? or does the second person feel the same but refuses to acknowledge those feelings? why is it so common to confuse other things with "love"? is there even such a thing? or is it just mutual attraction and then a strong friendship followed by reliance and comfort found in the other person?

this makes my head hurt...

its official

its over.
the end.
kaput.

i'm ok... mostly. just if i don't think too much.

cuz then i'll start missing him.

being this tired is dangerous

i miss the feeling of your arms around me
i keep catching brief whiffs of your familiar smell
when i wake up, i wish you were there, and when you're not i just want to go back asleep in hopes its just a dream
i know you don't feel the same
i know i'm being totally stupid
but if my only other option is to not have you at all... i'll take stupidity any day.

i haven't texted you yet today.

i'm too tired. i don't trust myself to not say something that i really mean