i probably shouldn't post this

It's finally here: 2012. I had such high hopes for today. First I hoped for an abnormally early night off work, a fantastic party to go to, and (as pathetic and meaningless as it sounds) a New Year's kiss with the boyfriend.
Upon seeing the schedule for this week, my first hope was dashed. Working until 11pm definitely hinders my plans. Still, I hoped for a party and being able to spend time with boyfriend.
When the 29th rolled around and still no one said anything about a party, I started to panic a little. I asked around, but no concrete plans had been made.
Then my parents told me we were having people over. Success? Maybe. We were inviting friends over for dinner, I would be able to see them on my lunch break and then after work. It even seemed as if I could get to spend time with boyfriend.
Unfortunately, boyfriend was unable to attend. He was asleep, like last year.
Some people came over, but when I got home for my lunch, one family was already leaving, and then the other family left shortly after I got home after my shift (half an hour early).
No parties.
No New Year's kiss.
No boyfriend.
And then, I go on facebook and see an open invitation to go over to a friend's apartment for a party.
Great. Hours late.
So I go on to chat. There was apparently an all-day hangout on google+. Which I also missed.
So it seems as if I'm starting this year much like I spent a majority of 2011: sitting at home on the couch, alone, on the computer, unable to sleep, hating nearly everything.

Feelings and such

So it's finally starting to hit me. I've only got about a week & a half until I move back home. I won't be seeing these places again for probably a good amount of time. I won't get to bitch with Jeanette during work, or talk to Rita after I'm off the clock. No more spontaneous Pizza Hut/Walmart trips with Cara. No more clay classes with Marsha and Ande (gonna miss them probably more than I realize...) And what I'm going to notice the most, no more coming & going as I please. Back to getting permission and justifying my need to leave the house. Regretfully I am preparing to return to that, heartened only by the thought that I'll be able to see my old friends whenever we're free, and not just on Friday nights.
I'll also miss the weekly/biweekly trip to grandma's. I really enjoyed those :(

As much as I want to get back home, part of me isn't wanting to leave. Part of me doesn't want to leave the few friends I've made here, on the fear that I'll never see them again.

ETA: this blog originally posted at 11:11 AM. Make a wish...

Counting Down

One week until I'm 21.
Two weeks to graduation.
Three weeks until I move.
Four weeks before I start back at my old store.
Five weeks until the official "ONE YEAR" with Brandon.
Six weeks until vacation.

...not that I'm looking forward to any of it, or anything....

oh, and:

i think i may die :3

Three hours and a slight headache later...

I now have an Etsy shop! I always thought about creating one for my shoes, and now I've finally done it. Hooray!
It was way more stressful than I thought it'd be though, considering everything is custom made to order and pricing really depends on what is done. Hopefully I've got them set at prices that won't scare people away.

I can't focus right now. Maybe more later.

oh, and also: http://www.etsy.com/shop/weregoat

But Where Is Home?

Feeling increasingly homesick. Every day here I can't help but feel more & more like a nuisance. I feel confined, almost, to "my" room whenever they are upstairs, especially in the kitchen. Awkward is my specialty, and I really can't wait until I'm back in my own house where I can do whatever and not worry about overstepping some unseen boundary. God forbid I eat in front of them, unless it's something I've bought/made myself. Most of the time I just try to disappear, and I think its starting to take a serious toll on my mind.
However, I start to cringe when I think about moving back home. After so much freedom here, I don't know how it will be back under my parents' rules. Thankfully, anxieties are starting to fade, and mostly I'll just be relieved to be back in my own room, my own bed, where I can do what I want when I want and not worry if I'm keeping someone up because they decided to sleep at weird hours.
I'll definitely miss being this close to my grandparents though, that makes me incredibly sad all around.

Such a DizzyHead

Oh painkillers, how wonderful you are. If only I could keep up this facade of needing you so I would continue to have an excuse to sleep all day and miss work and school.

Unfortunately, I just checked the time and must, now, go to class.

*sigh*

Feed the Soul

So I've been thinking about the diner I'd like to open a lot lately, and it occurred to me that I should probably write some of it down. I'll start here mostly just because I don't feel like getting up to get my notebook to write it all down, although I'll do it eventually.

So basically the main idea behind this diner is feeding the soul, and it would probably end up being a diner/art studio/gallery (and bakery if Sarajo decides to get in on it too.) Artwork on the walls, random and bright colored dishes, crazy themes for the tables & booths, and just a real homey kind of feel to the place. A couple months ago I found these super adorable piggy banks at Target, there were some that had polka dots, some plaid ones, etc etc, and it got me thinking. What if I took the piggy banks and cut a larger hole in the top to make napkin holders? And ooh, there's some neat lamps over there, each booth or table could have a theme and a corresponding lamp & napkin holder! BRILLIANT! Basically this diner would be a never-ending trip through my ADHD "MUST HAVE ALL THE COOL PRETTY COLORFUL THINGS" brain, and hopefully would achieve a fun atmosphere.

I think I'd like to name it Food for the Soul. or something like that.